


Complex Constellations of Us

by MyUncreativeUserSorry



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Development, F/F, F/M, Fitz POV, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Future Fic, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kid Fic, Let Fitz feel emotions, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other then anger, Post-Canon, Pregnancy, Relationship of Convenience, This next bit sounds bad but I swear its hardly mentioned:, eventually, mainly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:55:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24279205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyUncreativeUserSorry/pseuds/MyUncreativeUserSorry
Summary: The Neverseen has been long defeated, yet the Lost Cities are far from perfect, still fighting the same battles as they always have. Even the Keepers have their own personal battles waging, together can they finally stop it once and for all? They're going to have to start by sharing some of their tightest kept secrets.
Relationships: Dex Dizznee/Biana Vacker, Dex Dizznee/Fitz Vacker, Keefe Sencen & Fitz Vacker, Keefe Sencen/Tam Song, Linh Song & Fitz Vacker, Linh Song/Fitz Vacker
Comments: 9
Kudos: 46





	1. these little words, somehow they're changing us

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at summaries I apologize.

Match lists are nothing short of sacred. Even Fitz has to admit the entire concept is a bit strange, though he hasn’t always felt this way. The older he gets, the less he believes that choosing a partner solely for genetics is the right way to go. 

Maybe it should just be a list of families you’re related to, he muses. That’s the issue, is it not? Fitz tries to stop his mind from wandering any further, focusing on the list in front of him. He thinks he might end up a bad match.

It’s not a thought he enjoys, but he can’t help it. Not a single name on his list jumps out at him, none of the ones he knows even seem remotely attractive.

Obviously he knows there’s still 5 more lists, he’s simply being dramatic. He doesn’t plan on waiting any longer then he has to for his next list, he’s already in his 20s and the idea of spending more time than necessary on this whole thing seems like a complete waste of energy. Plus, one or two of his matches are only 17 and, despite the indefinite lifespans, marrying someone so much younger than him just doesn’t feel right.

He supposes that makes him the odd one out. His own parents have an entire century between the two of them, he would be lying if he said that didn’t make his skin crawl.

“So,” Sophie's voice drags him from his thoughts. Apparently everyone else has been a bit unfocused as well, judging by their startled expressions.

They’d decided on getting their match lists all together, as a sign of friendship or something sentimental like that. He doesn’t understand it entirely, and he may be slightly bitter for being forced to finally get his list.

Well, that’s not fair. He could have refused, Sophie doesn’t have a list. She’d decided years ago that it was a hassle she didn’t care for, she’d explained that she’s fine with remaining single, maybe forever. Maybe just until revealing her birth parents won’t cause some sort of cosmic catastrophe.

(If Keefe and Fitz had been rather put off by that, well, they’d changed their minds pretty quickly after a quick talking to from Biana… or perhaps Fitz had been the only one at the receiving end of a great many lectures on autonomy and respect, from many different people. In the end though, he’s thankful for it.)

Marella is listless as well, if asked all she says is ‘What do you care?’. Fitz figures that it’s because of her ability, he ignores the feeling in his chest when greeted by that failing. All they’ve done for the elven world and it remains unchanged. 

“Anyone feel up to sharing?” Sophie continues.

“Biana’s my number 65, higher than I thought.” Dex says, Biana hums from her seat at his side.

“72, thought it would be 300 at least.”

“Maybe they don’t factor in prejudices when making lists?” Linh offers, but even she has to hold back a laugh at the idea.

“Maybe I’m just the weaker Vacker so they don’t care.” Biana shrugs,

“You know that insults me as well, right?” Dex grumbles, Biana looks unfazed.

Fitz knows that Biana is joking, they’re different, not stronger and weaker. It still rubs him the wrong way.

“No, just the least attractive one.” He returns with a wink, she huffs.

“Well now that’s a huge lie.” They stick their tongues out at each other, very maturely of course.

“I don’t know anyone on my list.” Tam interrupts their bickering, as he’s oft to do. “I’ve heard of them, but I’ve never spoken with them.”

“Have you ever spoken to anyone though?” Keefe chimes from the other side of the room.

“I’m speaking to you right now.” He retorts dryly.

“I wish you wouldn’t.” Keefe sighs, but his voice is playful. The two have long since resolved their issues, after being roomed together in the elite towers, but they still insist on remaining almost hostile with one another. Thankfully it lacks the underlying anger and tension though.

“I know a couple of mine, they’re nice.” Linh says, continuing the interruption trend, offering Keefe and Tam a look. A familiar one that the rest of the group are yet to decipher.

All in all it’s a rather disappointing affair. Despite the build up to this day there is no real spark. It’s not as though he’d expected it to birth some new relationship, but he hadn’t expected it to be so dull.

The meeting breaks up a few minutes later, each of them heading home to ruminate over the new information.

\------

Dex should be happy, he knows this. He’s on his girlfriend's first list, and she’s on his. They aren’t a bad match! He should be ecstatic.

He’s not though. He feels detached from it all. Biana doesn’t mention it when they arrive home to the house they share, and he doesn’t tell her that he hides his list deep in the closet of the room they no longer share. 

His eye catches on his bedside table as he leaves the room and he tries not to think about the ring hidden inside it. Just for a moment. The one that his father had given to him, the one he no longer has any excuse to hide.

He is matched after all.

“So it’s official then. We’re a good match.” They’re at dinner, the well lit, poorly lit dining room and the long table makes him feel evermore distant. “Not that it matters.”

“You know that it does.” He says, “It’s nice.” He smiles, it’s only mostly forced.

“You don’t plan on running off with one of your other matches now, do you?” She jokes, flicking a bean at his head.

“Of course not, you know you’re it for me.” His smile brightens slightly, she mirrors it.

"I was thinking." He starts,his hand dipping into his pocket. He feels his finger brush against the cool metal of a ring, the ring he failed to forget about. "Might as well get it over with." He pulls it out and slides it across the table towards her.

Biana looks down at it for a moment, Dex has to look away. "Why not." Her voice is rough with emotion, a deep seated sorrow they both know all too well. She slides the ring onto her finger and holds her hand up so the gemstones catch the light. "At least it's a nice ring."

There's nothing romantic about the exchange. He knew neither of them would be able to fake this. He can already feel the weight of it settle on his shoulders.

Usually they do something together in the evenings, sometimes they play a game, or watch something on the tv he'd built, or just discuss their days.

Tonight though, they go their separate ways as soon as possible. Disappearing into their respective rooms.

Dex watches the sunset through the walls, ignoring the gnawing emptiness in his chest as if that will make it go away. Because this is his best case scenario. He marries his best friend, they never have to date, he's not a bad match. Maybe they'll even have a kid. It's a good life, the best he can hope for.

When he falls asleep that night Biana's face never appears in his dreams. That's okay though, because he knows Biana dreams of someone else as well.


	2. call it courage

It takes a few days for the gang to get together again. Fitz is immediately greeted by the stone shining brightly on Biana's finger, being displayed to everyone in the room.

"Who'd have thought Dexy boy would be the first of us to get hitched!" Keefe claps the man in question on the shoulder, after the obligated congratulations are shared.

In truth they’d all expected it. The two have been together since they were 16, with only one or two rough patches early on. Yet, a part of Fitz couldn’t help but think that they were rushing it all.

They’re both only 21, and their lists only came days ago. Fitz guesses that he just doesn’t understand what it’s like to be in love, it makes sense he supposes, to want to be together for as long as possible.

Sophie is visibly the most excited of them all at the news.

“We’ll finally be related!” She cheers, grabbing Biana’s hands happily. “Like cousins! Oh! I can talk Grady and Edaline into letting you use some of the decorations they have in storage!” No one but Fitz seems put off by what those decorations were originally intended for, but he didn’t dare to voice it and ruin the moment. Perhaps he was just put off in general.

He shook himself, stop, you’re acting like the old you, he chides himself. He is happy for his sister, and he needs to let himself be happy for her.

The couple seems overwhelmed, Fitz notices bemusedly. They probably should have prepared themselves more for this, their group was never one for staying calm, and this was a very big deal.

“Have you picked a date?” Linh asks, Dex and Biana exchange a look.

“Probably something soon.” Dex says slowly, “Can’t stand the wait, you know?” They’re all smiling.

The queasiness is back, fainter. He knows that as soon as Biana gets this ball rolling there will be no stopping it. He’s going to have to be next, his parents will expect him to join them in the happy land of matrimony as soon as possible.

“Do mom and dad know?” He asks Biana, she shakes her head.

“Not yet, we’re planning on telling them tonight, and Dex’s parents tomorrow.” Fitz decides then that he’s going to avoid Everglen for a couple of days, perhaps weeks, definitely for that conversation at least.

At least he knows his parents won't have a problem with Biana’s choice of husband, they love Dex. Neither Dex nor Biana deserve any hatred for their choice.

“The pressure is on, who’s going to be next?” Tam drawls, “I suppose we’ll all have to find a date for the wedding?” He looks towards Dex and Biana.

“I guess?” Biana says, looking at her fiance. 

“That is the standard.” Dex shrugs.

Fitz is dragged into the excitement pretty quickly after that, basking in his sister's happiness. 

At some point he hears Linh mention something about signing up for her next list, he absently makes a note to do the same. Perhaps that one will hold the answer to his problems.

\--

It arrives a little under a month later. Fitz leaves it on his desk unopened for three whole days after its reception. Distracting himself with assignments from the council instead of working up the courage to open it.

He can’t hide forever though, and he finds himself in a silent standoff. Him vs the red emblem stamped on the parchment. It’s pathetic, he’s fully aware.

Next thing he knows he’s hailing Linh.

“You’re getting your second list, right?” He questions in lieu of a greeting as soon as her face appears on the screen.

“It arrived today.” She responds, “Why, are you planning on doing the same?” He holds his scroll up to the screen instead of answering.

“Want to open them together?” He offers, because maybe her presence will force him to convince himself to open his list, to choose someone from it. 

She smiles genially and agrees, he didn’t expect her not to. Linh was just that person you could always count on.

They get together at her house the next day. Fitz is surprised to find that Tam isn’t present, but he doesn’t bother to ask after him.

There’s no skirting around the issue, Linh is ready to get down to it right away. What a life saver she is, she even put out a plate of sweets for them to share. He would have loved to take one if it wasn’t for the anxiety causing his stomach to twist.

“There’s no use drawing it out, is there?” Linh says, breaking the seal with her thumb, “Perhaps someone on here will be ‘the one’.” A subtle amusement dances across her tone at the notion, Fitz hurries to break his seal as well. There wasn’t even a moment for him to gather his bearings as the scroll unfurls itself and rolls onto the floor.

He scans it, Linh does the same with hers. His heart sinks with each name that passes, many of them are familiar yet not a single one of them is interesting in the slightest.

“Anyone catch your eye?” Linh asks quietly, an odd look on her face.

He starts to shake his head before a name pulls him to a halt.

“195,” He says, “195, it’s you.” He looks up at her, her lips are pursed.

“197 for me.” Is what she says. They’re left in silence. Fitz thinks, Linh is his friend, his friend who he cares about very much. Romance can’t be that hard to achieve from there, right? If pressed, he doesn’t think he’d mind being with her. It’s a nicer thought then marrying anyone else on his lists.

“Do you maybe want to try?” He speaks after a long moment, “Dating, I mean.”

Linh seems to be thinking just as hard as he is.

“I don’t see the harm,” She allows, “If I’m honest, I’m not very excited to try with anyone else on my list.” She sighs, “Is that crazy?”

Fitz shakes his head. “No, I feel the same. I think-” He tries to make sense of the jumble in his head, “I think that I don’t want to get to know anyone new. They’ll all have expectations.”

“Because of your family.” She deduces. Because of the war, neither of them say. “I don’t want to deal with weeding out those who will judge me due to the fact that I’m a twin.” She admits, rolling up the scroll as she speaks.

“So shall we give it a try?” 

Linh looks down at her hands, clenched around the scroll in her lap, then nods. She meets his eyes, “Let’s do it.”

He smiles, warmth spreading through his chest. Finally he’s coming up with solutions instead of problems.

“How about we keep it to ourselves though? For a little while at least, in case it doesn’t work.” He proposes, vaguely he registers that this is horrible ground on which to build a relationship, but Linh simply agrees.

They set a date, a few days from now. Linh will come over to his house for dinner. He feels almost light on his feet when he leaves, better than he has in weeks. He ignores the darkness forming in the back of his mind.


	3. i bear little resemblance to the king i was meant to be

“Decided on a Best Man yet?” Biana asks from the carpet beside Dex. They’re seated on the floor, staring down at an intimidating spread of various things they needed to make decisions on.

“Keefe probably.” He hums, “I assume you’re asking Marella to be your Maid of Honour?” He says with a teasing poke in Biana’s side.

“Sadly it’s the largest part she’ll ever play in my wedding.” She sighs, dramatically miming a swoon, leaning against Dex’s shoulder.

“No longing in front of your husband-to-be,” He says, pushing her upright. “That’s just bad manners. Am I not good enough for you?” He frowns, they manage about 5 seconds staring at each other before they devolve into laughter.

Biana calms down first, holding up a swatch of fabric. Maybe it’s supposed to be a tablecloth, or a napkin. He doesn’t know anymore.

“Doesn’t it seem a little foolish to you?” She starts, Dex sobers. “Putting this much work into a sham wedding?”

He sighs, “Only we know it’s a sham, so it has to be as authentic as possible.” He points out.

“Do you think we can authentically convince everyone that we just want a simple ceremony as quickly as possible?” She muses, Dex snorts. 

“Biana Vacker, having a simple wedding? They’d never buy it.” He teases, she harrumphs.

“I can be simple.” She defends,

“Your dress literally has 6 layers of fabric.” He deadpans.

“That’s irrelevant!” She argues, “Maybe the simple thing was your idea and you made me do it. You’re boring enough.”

“First of all, rude. I’m very exciting. Second of all, that makes me sound like a controlling freak!” He retorts, Biana sighs.

“This is so much more complicated then the wedding I dreamed up when I was 7.”

The air shifts, Dex’s skin prickles as though all the oxygen was being sucked from the room. Biana releases a shaky breath and he wraps an arm around her, pulling her close.

“I wish it didn’t have to be this way.” He mumbles into her hair. She takes one of his hands into her own.

“At least I found you. This is so much better then having to pretend for some guy who’s just in it for my name.”

Dex exhales slowly, letting the tightness in his chest escape with the air. He wraps his arms tighter around Biana.

“Speaking of,” He starts, “Think marriage will make me a Vacker, correct?” He asks, and laughs when Biana groans.

“You wish, I already promised Bex that we will have the same initials.” Biana says.

“Should I be jealous, you don’t promise me things like that.” Dex says, swaying them both slightly.

“She’s adorable! And stubborn, how was I supposed to say no.” She defends.

“Hmm, reminds me of someone I know.” Dex hums.

“I am not stubborn!”

“I was talking about your brother.” He explains, although she most definitely is stubborn. 

“Of course you were.” Biana draws out, Dex can practically hear her rolling her eyes.

“Oh shush.”

\----

Days bleed into weeks bleed into months and in the blink of an eye only 2 months remain until the big day.

Fitz and Linh have been on more then a few dates, and he honestly has no complaints. Each one was fantastic, more fun than he expected. There was one issue though.

Neither of them have yet to feel a speck of romantic love for one another.

“I’m not sure what we’re doing wrong.” Linh says as he drops her off one night, he had been holding up his home crystal, having long ago stopped trying to do the ‘kiss goodnight’ move, both of them agreed it felt fake. “Maybe it’s just not meant to be.”

“Nothing seems to be meant to be.” Fitz sighs, pocketing his crystal. They’ve even grown desperate enough to have dates with some of the others on their lists. Hoping that someone would stick, because this is just ridiculous.

They have to be attracted to someone.

“Maybe we’re just not doing it right.” He tries, “Maybe there’s something we’re missing?” He wracks his brain, trying to come up with what exactly could be wrong. There’s nothing though, but that has to be the reason. There’s some form of this whole dating thing that they’re missing, something that will tie it all together. “I just don’t know what, though.”

“Well there is….” She trails off, sounding uncomfortable.

“What?” He prompts,

“You know…” She gives him a look, and, oh.

Oh.

Well that could be it, but he’s not really sure how he feels about it. 

Despite their reservations, the next date night they let it happen. Not without a healthy dose of wine beforehand though.

That’s how, a month and a half before his sister's wedding, Fitz Vacker awakens and promptly learns what instant regret feels like.

He stumbles out of his room to find Ling at the counter, coffee already in hand.

“I never want to do that again.” The venom in her voice is bizarrely uncharacteristic, and he’s glad it’s not actually directed towards him. She sounds as horrible as Fitz feels.

“Me neither.” He groans, moving to make his own cup. He doesn’t even want to think about it ever again.

“That obviously wasn’t what was missing.” She says stiffly. He has to agree, he can’t even fathom why that would be a part of any relationship. They stand in silence for too long, his coffee cools in his hands and he tries his best to think about anything but last night.

“Maybe we should take a break.” He says, “Maybe we moved too fast?” Regardless of everything that has gone wrong he’s still not ready to admit total defeat.

“I think that’s for the best.” She agrees.

They spend the rest of the time in silence, before the awkwardness in the room starts to make Fitz’s muscles tense. Linh leaps home.

The wall that has been keeping him standing finally crumbles when she’s gone. He drops to the floor, the rough cupboard door digging into his back. There must be something that’s stopping this from working, not just with Linh but with every other one of the 10 women he’s gone out with. Maybe it’s just him, the thought clouds his mind, the darkness finally taking hold. Maybe he’s just horrible at this, maybe he’s just not built for being happy, making other people happy.

All he knows for sure is that he needs to figure it out, because the Vacker line depends on him. As kind and loving as his parents are, even they won’t appreciate him shirking on his duties just because the idea of marrying someone doesn’t sit right.

\---

He doesn’t hear from Linh for a couple of weeks, and he definitely doesn’t reach out to her. 

“We have a problem.” Is the first thing she says when he answers the hail.

“What do you mean?” He asks groggily, his voice still heavy with sleep. 

“I saw this in the mirror while I was getting dressed.” Is all she explains, before the camera shifts.

He struggles to make it out for a moment, but once he does his eyes go wide. All remnants of exhaustion leave him and he sits upright, because staring at him through the screen is Linh's belly button, Linh’s now an outie, bright pink belly button. Incredibly stupid looking yet the only sure sign of-

“No…” He breathes,

“Yup.” She replies, her voice breaks, the cheer is so false that it grates on his ears. “We’re going to be parents.” The camera returns to her face.

Fitz doesn’t reply, his mind racing too fast to formulate a response. This was not how it was supposed to go. Everything is spiralling and this is all wrong. All he wanted was to be normal, and marry, and do what was expected of him! What did he ever do to deserve this.

He can feel himself reverting, back to that immature state. Where anger was the easiest way to react, it hurt less than letting himself actually feel. His blood runs hot in his veins and poison stings at his tongue, ready to lash out. At himself, at Linh, at life.

He catches Linh's eye through the screen and it all dries up, her wet, glassy eyes pulling him back to reality.

“Are you alright?” He asks softly, even though he already knows the answer.

“I don’t want this.” She chokes out, “I never wanted to be a mother.”

A lump makes itself at home in Fitz’s throat.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Her voice catches on the last word. “It was both of our decisions.”

“We’ll figure this out,” he promises, “Somehow.”

“Do you think we should tell people?” She questions, Fitz frowns.

“Maybe wait.” He says, until we can discuss it further, until we figure out that this was all a dream, hopefully.

She swallows.

“Do you want me to come over?” He offers, his heart aches to see her so dejected, beat up. He’s sure he looks similar.

“No!” She interrupts. “Please don’t, I just want- I needed to let you know.” He’s left staring at at black screen.

Fitz doesn’t move for a long while, his back starts to cramp and his head pounds but he barely notices. He’s trying to make sense of every emotion that bubbles up within him.

Match lists are turning out to be a lot more trouble than they’re worth.


	4. dig until my shovel tells a secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Keefe get's drunk. It's probably incredibly unrealistic but I've never seen a drunk person, I did my best I apologize

The wedding reception ends up being quite the party. Scores of elves who haven’t left the comfort of their homes since Alden and Dellas wedding nearly half a century ago mill about, trying to become reacquainted with society. 

He can’t help but keep one eye out for Linh after the ceremony is finished, and he watches as she leaves as soon as she’s finished extending her congratulations, he can help but feel like a horrible person.

Keefe Sencen, ever the good pal, is there to distract him though. Fitz wonders, not for the first time, if he truly does have a sixth sense for trouble. It quickly becomes apparent that Keefe had really just been looking for someone to keep him in line, because he takes to the wine like a fish to water. Fitz has to stop him from jumping into a bush, drowning in a puddle, and falling asleep atop a gazebo.

“You are an absolute menace.” Fitz sighs, finally wrestling his friend down in a chair a decent ways away from the festivities. From where they’re sat Fitz maintains a clear view of the bride and groom, he still can’t get over how grown up Biana looks in her dress, even though it’s anything simple. It has to be, by far, the sparkliest, frilliest monstrosity he’s ever laid eyes on and yet she wears the shimmering with the regal air of a queen. Fitz refuses to let himself be overwhelmed by emotions a 2nd time, or perhaps a 5th? The wedding itself had made him tear up more then once. Any negative thoughts about his predicament, his tiny resentment had been washed away the second Biana had walked into the room.

Dex was such a contrast to his girlfriend- to his wife, now. Where she was extravagant and loud he was subtle. That wasn’t to say he didn’t clean up very nice, he looked positively distinguished in his classic Elvin wedding suit, almost completely unrecognizable from the boy Fitz had once known. At least until he let that ever familiar impish grin slip loose.

He’s torn from his gazing by Keefe choking on water, Fitz didn’t even want to wonder where he’d managed to find it.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t bring a date, I’d hate to see you make such a fool of yourself in front of her.” Fitz says with a shake of his head, stealing the glass away from his limp fingers before it falls. Despite their conversation when Dex and Biana announced their wedding, everyone in their friend group had shown up alone, except for Jensi who’d pulled up with a girl Fitz vaguely remembers from Foxfire.

Keefe starts giggling, trying to use his sleeve to mop up the water that spilled onto his tunic

“I do have a date!” Keefe manages, “‘e wandered off though.” He adds with an attempt at a frown.

“No you don’t, you came alone.” Fitz asserts, thinking back in case he missed something but he comes up blank.

“Mmm-mmm.” Keefe shakes his head with a hum, “Came with Tam, kept it a secret though.”

“I’m not sure I understand, buddy.” Fitz chuckles, where does Tam come into all of this? Why was he with Keefes date?

“If I tell you, you gotta keep it shhhhhhhhh.” Keefe presses his entire hand to Fitz’s mouth instead of just one finger. “‘T’s a secret.”

Fitz just raises his eyebrow but Keefe doesn’t seem to need prompting.

“Tam’s my date. M’ boyfriend, isn’t that awesome?” Keefe barks out a gleeful laugh, his hand falling from Fitz's face. He’s completely oblivious to the shell shocked expression on Fitz’s face.

He’s certain that he’s hallucinating because this  _ can’t _ be real. Keefe and Tam? That’s, no. It’s impossible. That doesn’t happen.

Fitz does a double take as Tam appears beside Keefe, looking thoroughly disgruntled.

“You are honestly a child, you’ve had 3 glasses.” Tam grumbles while hoisting Keefe to his feet.

“Nope.” Keefe says, popping the ‘p’ obnoxiously. “Fitzy gave me more, because he loves me more than you do.” He adds, sticking out his tongue in Tams general direction.

Tam rolls his eyes and looks over, surprise etched into his face as if he hadn’t noticed Fitz before. 

“Oh, hello. I’m just going to drop this idiot off at his house then I’ll be back.” He explains, both to Keefe and Fitz.

“Aww, you’re not gonna stay with me? You know I miss you, baby.” Keefe whines, pressing a wet kiss to Tams cheek.

“Talk about a flirty drunk.” Tam groans, and he’s trying to play it off but Fitz can se it now.

“So it’s true-” He stammers, “You and him-” He looks between the two of them. Tam’s expression goes steely.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And then they’re leaping, faster than Fitz can work out how to react. He’s left staring into the trees.

\----

“It’s finally over.” Biana groans as she flops onto the couch, Dex is almost taken out as one of her heels go flying down the hall.

“No, it’s just beginning.” Dex sighs, once safe from other sparkly projectiles. “Welcome to married life, it’s forever.”

“Our until the elves realize that same sex couples can exist.” Biana counters tiredly.

“You know as well as I do how unlikely that is.”

“Ugh, let’s not worry about that tonight.” Biana waves him off, Dex pushes her legs out of the way so he can sit on the couch as well. She just places them on his lap as soon as he’s seated, he doesn’t bother with moving them again. “All that matters is that we did it.”

“No more worrying about dating or suspicion…” Dex drawls,

“Or dumb guys.” Biana adds helpfully.

“I actually happen to like dumb guys.” He retorts.

“It’s because you are one.” She teases, bumping his chest with her ankle. “Dumb girls then.” 

Dex just laughs. Maybe he’ll never be able to live freely in this backwards world, but this right here? Spending forever with his best friend? It’s a damn good compromise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check me out on tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/everyonehasthoughts 
> 
> I really hope you are enjoying this and that you stick around! I'll do my utmost to post every Wednesday. I've got about 8 chapters completed already.


	5. imagine how brave i'd be if i knew i'd be safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for Homophobia near the end of the chapter (Homosexuality described as 'wrong' and 'an illness')

Fitz spends the next week drifting in and out of a crisis. Ever since Keefe’s revelation that night of the wedding he’s been thinking. He’s still not entirely certain it was the truth instead of just the alcohol and Keefe’s penchant for trouble making. Yet, it still makes him wonder.

Can he like guys? It would explain why nothing about girls had ever felt right for him, he’s never been able to understand the hype behind it but he’d just assumed he was a- late bloomer or something? It also explains why he’s so much more inclined to look at men, though in all honesty he’d thought that was normal. Perhaps not.

He’s sat in the living room when his thinking is interrupted by the chime of the leapmaster.

Fitz quickly composes himself, delegating all of his worries and confusion to the recesses of his mind as he steps towards the foyer. A new host of worries rise up to replace them when he catches sight of Linh, she no longer looks dejected, only willful.

“We need to discuss this before it becomes too obvious.” She explains before he can get a single word out.

He simply nods in agreement, leading her to the sitting room.

It’s almost like one of those ‘old west’ human movies Dex made them watch not too long ago. Neither speak, the tension is a palpable force that lingers in the air. They both know deep down that they can do any number of things but not a single one of them will end right.

“Should we get married? So we don’t have to deal with-” Fitz gestures absently, erasing the silence. Children out of wedlock are nearly unheard of in the Elvin cities, and he can’t help the sadness that envelops him when he thinks about what this kid,  _ his _ kid, will have to go through. All because the two of them were too scared to come to terms with the fact that they would never be like everyone else. 

“It is the easiest option.” Linh concedes, her knuckles white against her knees. Her sharp laugh is such a contrast to the mood that Fitz flinches.

“I was thinking of becoming a councillor you know? When this whole thing stopped working. Don’t have to worry about marriage, I’d just get to help people.” She sighs, rubbing a hand down her face. “That’s impossible now.”

Though he knows it’s not his fault, not entirely, guilt clogs up his throat and he has to fight to not look away. If only there is a way that they can both be happy, because they won’t be as husband and wife. It’s not as though he hates Linh's company, it’s enjoyable, but he knows realistically that it will get old fast.

That’s not the atmosphere he wants his kid to grow up in if he’s honest. He knows what it’s like for a child, when their parents marry for necessity instead of love. Look at Keefe, or Stina even. He doesn’t want to be like Cassius, like some deadbeat father who grows to despise his child because they just remind him of what he could never have.

“Maybe it doesn’t have to be.” Fitz breathes, flashes of an idea taking shape behind his eyes.

“I can keep the kid, no one will ever have to know that it’s yours!” He explains, seeing the picture come in full, Linh blinks at him.

“I get sole custody and you get to move on with your life.”

“I can’t let you do that!” She argues, cutting him off. “What kind of person am I if I just leave you?”

“A smart one.” He returns, “Think about it, you have dreams. They can still be achieved. I don’t.” 

Fitz has been nobility since he came of age. It’s a given, expected. He’s still only a regent but he doesn’t doubt that the next title will come to him in coming years. It’s in his blood after all. 

But it’s not something he desires, it’s never been a goal he’s had to reach towards.

“I’ve always wanted to be- normal I guess. Raise a family. This might be the only chance I have.” He knows that's why he’d been so insistent on this whole marriage thing since the match lists came around. He’s been ‘Wonderboy’ his whole life, he just wants something that everyone has. Something that doesn’t make everyone whisper about how he thinks he’s better than them, even though the thought of a wife has always grossed him out a little. Now he has that chance for a family, and he’s not stupid enough to think he’ll get another opportunity.

“Would you rather be stuck in a loveless marriage? Because we both know that’s all it will ever be.” He doesn’t mean to be harsh but it’s the truth. Fitz watches some of the fight drain from her steely eyes.

“What will your parents think? About their son being irresponsible enough to end up raising a child without a mother?” Fitz worries his lip, because she does have a point. Marriage, ceremony, tradition. These are all tightly held truths in their society, in his parents. Even their love for him wasn’t completely unconditional.

  
“Whatever they want to think.” He says with a finality he doesn’t feel, “The kid will have my name, and that’s all that matters, right?”

Linh twists a lock of hair between her fingers, Fitz can tell he’s winning her over. She wants to be won over, that much he can infer from the way she refuses to meet his eyes. In the cautious tone of her voice.

“How will we be able to keep it a secret? It will become quite obvious.”

“We just wont tell anyone and when you start showing you can just stay home, tell people you’re sick.” He says, it could work. Especially if he doesn’t show people he has a kid until a while has passed. They probably won't put two and two together.

“Linh,” She looks up at him, “I promise it will be okay. You have a plan for the future, and if one day you change your mind and decide you want to be a part of their life? There will be a place for you.” He reaches out and grabs her hand, attempting to sooth the lines of tension with his thumb.

She exhales slowly.

“I’ll think about it.” She manages, giving his hand a light squeeze. “If you’re really certain?” He nods, “I really,  _ really _ don’t want to be a mother.”

“I’ll have to tell Tam at least.” She adds,

“So Keefe will know? I doubt they have many secrets, being together and all.” He muses, completely missing the bewildered expression on Linh’s face.

“You know?” She says, dumbfounded.

Fitz hums, “Yup, Keefe told me at the wedding. Don’t know why Tam acted so cagey about it when I asked though.” He rests his head in his free hand.

“You don’t- you’re joking right?” She’s met only by confusion. “Fitz, what they’re doing… it’s forbidden.” She explains,

Part of him wants to ask for clarification, even though it’s obvious. Fitz had been confused when Keefe told him only because he’s never heard of it before. He’d assumed it was rare, not this. His chest tightens as he fights to breathe.

“Since when?” He manages, searching Linh's eyes for a lie.

“Decades, Fitz. Did you even pay attention in history?” Somehow she doesn’t sound anything but kind, it keeps his anxiety from overflowing, grounds him.

He never enjoyed history, so he had never paid attention. It wasn’t like they would fail him. None of the mentors wanted to deal with the fallout of a burnout Vacker. None of them had bothered to care.

Ling squeezes his hand, he’d forgotten she was holding it.

“You’re lucky that I already knew, Fitz. In future you must keep this to yourself, alright?” Her tone leaves no room for argument, though he wouldn’t have contradicted her. He nods, suddenly realizing the weight of what he had done. Hit with the understanding that if this had gone any other way he might have ruined his best friends life. All because he didn’t care to pay attention.

He loses himself to his mind as Linh leaves, because this shaky little idea he’s formed in the days since learning what he was. This hope flickers out. Not in a quick puff of breath but a slow and heavy realization.

He runs to his study and pulls open a chest, his school chest. Books and scrolls scatter on the ground while he searches for his history texts- there must be some sort of misunderstanding or miscommunication because this can’t be. It can’t be right.

He goes randomly, by whichever years he pulls out first. It’s not until the third one, his 5th year textbook, that he finds anything.

It’s halfway through the book, only a single section. Barely a lesson's worth of information. The text is small and insignificant but the words are huge in his mind. What he can focus on swirls inside of him, trying to latch onto meaning, understanding.

_ In the late 1960s and early 70s the Forbidden Cities entered yet another state of civil unrest _

He forces himself to read every word,

_ Unlike previous instances this agitation bled into our own world as well, carried by ill individuals who shared similar views to those of Humans. _

Ill. 

_ The movement was headed by two women, whose names remain anonymous to this day. They attempted to bring their ideal, which had existed for centuries yet remained well hidden, into the light. The women attempted to force our Council into allowing Match Lists to recognize their identities and pushed for the allowance of unions. _

Each word drained him but he forced himself to keep reading,

_ While at the time, relationships of this ilk were not illegal, in 1970 the Council quickly remedied this oversight as it went against all values held in our society. _

It had been allowed, once. Maybe not consciously but it had been, back when his father was alive and active within the Nobility.

_ The woman as well as many of their accomplices refused to comply with the laws, all parties were tried in solitary Tribunals and most were found guilty of committing Crimes Against Nature. All were generously offered reduced sentences which included renouncing their values, being banned from entering Nobility, and requirement to marry within the following 3 years. Those who refused as well as those who failed to follow requirements were sentenced to Exile, so as not to spread their toxic illness. _

Fitz slumps back against the wall, the textbook laying open in his lap. Words taunted in his peripheral.

So… this is it. Linh was right. A ‘Crime Against Nature’. That’s what they call it. Distantly he finds himself wondering what he did to deserve this fate, was he too rude and pretentious as a child? Did being a stuck up brat really deserve such a harsh penance?

He swallows back bile as he remembers that he’s not the only one. Keefe, and Tam. They’ve been living like this for who knows how long, hiding in fear of what the world could do to them. Just for loving each other. That familiar anger begins to rise up inside of him, unfurling into a tangled mess at the unfairness, the injustice of it all. Do the prejudices never cease? Bad matches, talentlessness, multiple births, banned abilities and now this?

The thumping of the textbook hitting the wall echoes through the otherwise silent house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I've got 7 more chapters completed so I might speed up the posting a little bit. Come say hi! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/everyonehasthoughts


	6. i can remember being nothing but fearless and young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay!! I had exams and projects due. I'll try my utmost to keep a regular schedule from now on. Thank you for your patience! Hope you kiddos enjoy.

It takes three days for Fitz to settle down completely, and he immediately finds himself knocking on the door to Eventide.The front door, they’d always found it weird that their leapmaster was placed in the Gazebo outside rather than in the atrium. He gets it now though, no one wants surprise visitors when they can land you in Exile.

The door flies open to reveal his grinning friend,

“Hey bro!” Keefe greets, looking less surprised then he should at such an early impromptu visit. The sun was only barely peeking above the hills and Keefe has very obviously just rolled out of bed. Absently, Fitz feels the smallest amount of regret for not waiting, he’d undoubtedly forced Tam to leave in order to not be caught. He probably should have put more thought into this.

Keefe steps aside to allow him in, his smile faltering as Fitz storms into the house.

“We need to talk.” Fitz says pointedly, “About what you said at the wedding.”

Immediately Keefe’s look of confusion is replaced by one of panic, which is rapidly masked with amusement.

“Ah, yes. Bangs Boy did warn me that I might have said some wacky things.” Keefe chuckles plastically, “It’s crazy, the things that alcohol can make up, isn’t it?”

“Oh don’t bother-” Fitz cuts him off with a wave of his hand, “I’ve always been the one who knows you best, or, second best I guess.” 

Even standing at the door he’d been doubtful, not completely ready to accept this bizarre notion. All it takes is one look to melt those doubts away, Keefe is an incredibly gifted liar, this is a fact. Yet Fitz knows to watch for the twitch of his lips when he smiles, the way he hides his hands behind his back to hide the tight fists.

“I just want to know how you do it.” Fitz sighs, rubbing his forehead absently. Keefe only stares, the amusement finally departing, leaving him pensive. A small amount of fear warring with curiosity.

“You’re going to have to be a bit more specific there.” He says when Fitz falls silent.

“All this lying and these secrets, how do you deal with it?” Fitz asks, begs for guidance. It’s been merely days and he’s already gone through most stages of grief. He’s stuck in some indeterminable grey area between depression and acceptance.

“Wait, are you saying-?”

“That I like guys? Apparently!” Fitz scoffs, saying it outloud is new. The words almost choke him, and he rubs at his throat absently.

Keefe stares for so long that Fitz can feel panic bubbling up in his throat. Then Keefe laughs,

It’s short and surprised, harsher than a laugh honestly.

“This is golden!” He wheezes, “The Prince of The Lost Cities joins us on the dark side!” Fitz is too relieved to remember to argue that he’s no prince. “When did you figure this all out? Recently, I assume.” Keefe questions, sobering.

Fitz nods, “Uh, yeah. Just after the wedding.” He admits.

Keefe claps him on the shoulder. “Well, I’m glad my little slip up ended up doing some good rather than-” He trails off.

“What, did you think I would have gone and reported you to the council?” Defensiveness leaks into his tone, he hasn’t been that person in nearly a decade, an obedient dog. Keefe quickly backtracks before Fitz can get well and truly worked up.

“No! No, I don’t. You just can’t be too careful. What if i’d let it slip to someone else? Like your father, or worse, mine.” Fitz winces, his anger draining.

“Of course, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lashed out.” He twists his hands together, reciting that phrase which took him so long to learn how to use. Even years later he still has to remind himself of his own accountability. “I wouldn’t have turned you in even if we weren’t friends.” He admits sheepishly, as they move to the sitting room “I didn’t even know about the law until yesterday.” 

Looking at the house now Fitz can’t believe he’s missed their relationship for so long. It’s not glaringly obvious, but there’s so many little things he should have picked up on. The two coasters on the table, the textbooks on human sciences that Keefe openly loathes but Tam seems to love. The way that the house isn’t an absolute pigsty (He knows Keefe, that man is allergic to cleaning.)

“You’re kidding!” Keefe exclaims, “And everyone thinks that  _ I’m _ the bad student in this duo.” He rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Oh shut up, you know very well how much I hated school.” Fitz counters, “Anyways, you never answered,” They both settle in armchairs across from each other. “How do you deal with this?” He presses.

Keefe frowns thoughtfully.

“I suppose it’s the same way we deal with all other secrets, try to ignore them.” He says slowly. Fitz creases his brow, for dating and living with a guy seems a bit counter productive if the goal is to ignore it. Keefe forges on before he can ask,

“I mean, ignore the bad stuff. The fact that it could all end in disgrace and hatred. Focus on the good.”

“We haven’t had a lot of good so far, have we? I think we deserve to keep what we can find.” Fitz is pulled back into the past, the Neverseen, the Black Swan. The people they’d lost, the ones they couldn’t save. The war that had been forced onto their shoulders, despite the wounds being long healed it still lingered inside them all. “Don’t you agree?”

“Tam’s your good?” Fitz prompts, astounded by the softness of the smile that’s evoked by his name alone. Full of love. How often has he hidden that expression from them, how often has Tam hidden it. All because they were forced to be afraid. The phantom of his echo quivers in his chest.

“Yeah, a good chunk of it. You guys too. All of you are my good, Tam’s that extra good. A bonus really.” Keefe replies.

“Is this a twisted way of telling me I should get a boyfriend?” 

Keefe snorts, “You betcha.”

The words, each one of them, leave Fitz’s tongue tingling strangely. He’s not sure if it's from fear or the all encompassing relief.

“How did you two even happen anyways? It’s not like you can just ask each other out.” Fitz questions, because the pieces don’t quite fit. If he ever wants to date anyone, he’ll need to know how to go about it, how to find another elf like him.

He’s hopeless enough at legal romance, this is a whole different game. How do you even begin to pick out fellows and like minded individuals? Is there some part of their appearance? Keefe doesn’t look any different then any other guy, nor does Tam. They don’t act in any way that might be telling.

The blonde blushes, “How about you ask me another time?” He says sheepishly. Fitz raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment.

He stays a while longer, acutely aware of the time that's passed since they’ve been able to speak so freely. Keefe hails Tam eventually, who returns home to complain about being woken up so early. They don’t act overly affectionate, but Fitz can finally see the way Keefe stares at Tam like he’d hung the stars. Or how Tam will pretend to be annoyed by the attention, only to return it whenever Keefe looks away. For a short couple of hours, Fitz feels almost free, all of his problems pushed to the backburner while he basks in this lovely truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title: Silhouette - aquilo
> 
> Come say hi! Or rant with me about various fandom stuff https://www.tumblr.com/blog/everyonehasthoughts
> 
> Your kudos and comments fuel me.


	7. our world caves in on us, and makes us new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry for the delay. I'll have another chapter out tomorrow to make up for it, I promise.

Fitz can pinpoint the exact moment Linh finally tells her brother, because the already limited conversations between Tam and himself disappear entirely. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to face any brotherly wrath from the other man, nor does Linh seem to face any judgement. If anything the two seem closer then ever, but he does wind up on the receiving end of some unsettling glares.

The only person they tell other than him is Elwin. They are not naive enough to believe they can go through every stage of this pregnancy alone, Elwin is the only physician they trust to keep their secret.

The man is surprised by the announcement, to say the least. Nosey as well, which they’d expected. He pesters them about their plan, and he seems flabbergasted to learn it. There's no bid to get them to change their mind, or allusion to how big of a mistake they might be making. Elwin just looks at each of them, carefully, and asks one question: “Are you sure?”

They are, of course Fitz has doubts, any sane person would. Taking on such a responsibility, it’s a difficult situation, but an easy choice.

For the most part the pregnancy is normal, Linh hadn’t been worried. Fitz, on the other hand, had been terrified. His anxieties appeared to be unfounded and as the days passed he slowly began to relax.

It takes only 5 months for Linh to be too obvious to be seen in public, thankfully she’s always been a rather introverted person so it's not difficult for her to hide away. To any who ask she claims that she simply needs a break from it all, and she only keeps in touch through imparters.

As the months progress Fitz exercises the most secrecy possible, while also gathering every parenting resource he can. Baby proofing Floretglade is a relatively simple procedure, he’s never had anything particularly dangerous to begin with, but reading every parenting book he can get his hands on takes up most of his time. There’s moments he admits to himself that yes, he’s utterly terrified. Scared for his kid, scared for Linh, scared for himself. It’s all so much, but he’s determined. Not a single part of him doubts his ability to raise his child to the best of his abilities, because he knows that no matter what happens he will love them with all he has. It’s not even a question, already the devotion he feels throws him off balance sometimes, and they haven’t even arrived.

“Oh my.” Elwins voice breaks the routine silence of their checkup.

At 6 months Linh seems more then ready to get this all over with, a sentiment Fitz shares. Elwins tone sends waves of worry through Fitz's mind, every nervous thought he’s quashed rising up with a vengeance.

“What is it?” Both Linh and Fitz ask, the hydrokinetic struggles to sit up but her belly and Elwins hand keep her pinned.

He’s staring at a brightly coloured orb, then he starts flashing wildly. Blue, red, green, yellow, more. All in one specific spot. Fitz’s stomach is slowly sinking to his toes, complications for elves are rare. Every book he’s read has told him such. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible, and it's just his luck that he’s the outlier.

“There’s no problem.” Elwin starts slowly, sounding the furthest thing from reassuring. “But it seems that there may be more than one body growing inside you, Miss Linh.”

For a moment all they can do is stare, wide eyed.

“Do you mean-?” Linh starts jaggedly,

“Twins? It’s a possibility.” Elwin sighs, looking between the two of them warily. “There is a chance I’m wrong, of course. This isn’t my area of expertise.” He hastens to add.

“Twins?” Fitz breathes, grasping blindly for a reaction. Personally, he’s long over that prejudice, but he’s not stupid. The reaction will be indescribable, so many times worse then what he’s prepared himself for. The Vacker family has very, very few instances of multiple births, and add it to everything else? He’s just asking for a riot as soon as the news breaks.

“Fitz-” He turns to look at Linh, she looks mildly hysterical and he can’t blame her. “Fitz I can’t ask you to do this.” She stares at him, her eyes wide and watery. “If we get married it won’t be such a problem-”

“No.” Fitz cuts her off. “Linh, I swear to you that nothing about this is a problem.” He’s startled by the conviction in his words.

“The only thing that will ever change my mind is you deciding you want to be a mother.” He assures, taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. “Unless that’s what this is-” There’s a moment of silence as he allows her to speak, all she does is stare at the wall, guilt almost palpable.

“I really don’t mind.” They’ve had this conversation too many times to count, Linh too selfless to let go without a fight.

“I’ve always wanted a kid, the fact that there will be more than I expected is just a happy bonus.” He smiles, and he figures it’s the truth. Twins are a lot, but hearing the words out loud only solidifies his resolve, his desire.

Silence holds the room for the remainder of the visit, even Elwin remains uncharacteristically quiet.

A hand on Fitz’s shoulder stops him from following Linh to the leapmaster once it's over, he turns to face Elwin. The emotion in his expression almost knocks Fitz back a step.

“I just wanted to tell you that what you’re doing is amazing.” Elwin says, Fitz feels a lump grow in his throat, “I’m proud of you, both of you.” Fitz manages a watery smile, “You’re going to be a wonderful father. I can tell.” All he can do is nod in thanks, too overwhelmed for words.

That night he takes a moment to reflect, to think about what he’s doing. He’s 24 years old and in 3 months he’ll be a single father to two whole human beings. The queasy feeling in his stomach refuses to let up and he can’t discern whether it's apprehension or excitement. 

It’s almost comical to relate his past to his present. This time 7 years ago he’d been in the whirlwind of convincing himself that the jealousy he felt for Sophie was akin to attraction. Now he knew he didn’t even like women.

The old Fitz probably would have exploded, if he could see himself now. He’d been furious at himself, that’s for certain. The old Fitz isn’t here though, he’s grown.

Fitz rolls over, looking across his pillow to the bassinet he’d picked out the other day. He’s going to have to get another, should they match? Or will he not be able to tell them apart.

He knows he’s not up to it, this fatherhood thing. Not for one child and definitely not for two. Alden was a much better father then some of his friends' parents when it came to being a role model, but his was an absent sort of love. One where you know he cares about you, but he loves his work and himself more. Fitz hates the idea of subjecting his children to that. They’ll have enough to deal with already, twins, motherless. The world will be cruel, Fitz knows he can’t even begin to understand what will happen to them. Fitz might have zero idea what he’s doing, but in that moment he decides that no matter what, he will always love them with everything that he has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from Woodwork by Sleeping at Last.
> 
> Apologies again for the horrible wait, I hope you've stuck around! If you have just know I love you, and I love everyone who has left kudos! Thank you so much! Comments and Kudos sustain me!
> 
> This was actually one of my favourite chapters to write (so far), and I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/everyonehasthoughts


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